Since welcoming our baby girl, Sarah and I have had some fun moments with our two boys. Our five year old has become the resident parenting expert. In fact, just the other day, he gave me a lecture about how to best settle down a baby. "She DOES NOT want her paci," he lectured me after I tried utilizing the pacifier to get her to quiet down. "Thanks...I noticed that wasn't working," I said in return. He then gave me a look that seemed to suggest "we are going to need mom for this one." While he was right, we did need mom, it made me wonder if he even realized that not long ago, his mom used to leave him with me while she spent hours—literally--at Target. Somehow we managed to survive. Both of us. But back then I did not have to deal with a five year old second guessing every decision!
A little boy critiquing his dad's parenting skills can be cute, but the example points to a trait that is not so cute in "armchair quarterbacking." Armchair quarterbacking is an expression for being an "after-the-fact-know-it-all." It is the person who remains silent on an issue until a course of action has been determined, and then criticizes the outcome if it does not succeed. It is the football fan criticizing the quarterback on television after every bad play and voicing what he should have done instead. It is easy to see the open receivers when you aren't the one having to dodge defenders, after all.
Having an opinion about your favorite team's quarterback, and other matters outside of your control, is not that big of a deal. The problem with armchair quarterbacking is when it begins to affect areas of your life that you have some control over, leading to blame shifting and resentment. If we are not careful, it can sneak into work, family, and other areas where we do play a part and have influence.
Think about how this can play out at work. It is easy, after all, to criticize the direction leadership has set. It is even easier to point out your concerns, fears, and "what the team should have done," after the decision has been made and everything is a mess. But this type of behavior is completely detrimental to the team. It is cancerous, and unchecked, will destroy teams altogether.
A far healthier alternative is to create a culture where everyone has a say up-front. Not only is this the job of the leader, it is also fundamental to the art of leadership itself. I am not suggesting that a leader needs to take every opinion into account equally, because I don’t believe every opinion is equally valid. I, for instance, may have an opinion on our resin buying strategy, but my sister, who leads that part of the business, has a much more credible and weightier one, as she has a lot of experience with that topic. But the leader needs to create an environment where every opinion can be heard and taken into account. Using the resin strategy example, once my sister hears my opinion, she has the right to consider or ignore my contribution. Regardless, it is important that I share my thoughts up front and that I am not second guessing the strategy after it is implemented, which can be easily taken as personal criticism and potentially set us at odds. See the difference?
The danger with armchair quarterbacking is that it can persist undetected for a little while. It can also be called different names, most notably "gossip." Inevitably, however, it is apparent that there is an issue because the culture turns negative and relationships fracture. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that the leader works hard to cultivate an environment where opinions can be heard.
Coming full circle, what I have learned in writing this post is that I need to invite my five year old into the family decision-making dynamic. He is a bright dude, so he just might know more than his dad about how to quiet down a newborn after all!
Recent Comments