Anyone with young children can relate to the craziness that ensues with bedtime. Suddenly, your sweet children turn into man-eating zombies ready for the apocalypse, and if you are not careful, so do you. It is hard to explain to those who don't have children, but just trust me on this.
So there I was last Monday night after a long day. Our two boys were going absolutely nuts as we prepared for bath time. The two year old had peed through his diaper, another difficult parenthood reality to explain to those without kids, and our five year old was acting like he just downed a Venti coffee as he did wind-sprints up and down the hallway. Nude. My job was to bathe them and get them ready for bed. No problem, so I thought, I have done this before. I may not be able to outrun a thunderstorm, but I can bathe the you know what out of a child.
Yeah that was weird.
You probably know where this is going, but I have to persist in telling the story. The boys must have colluded together during nap time because in the next twenty minutes they completely owned me. It was like MJ owning the Cleveland Cavaliers (sorry Cleveland, you got your title two months ago, so just let me relive the glory days). The worst part about it was that neither boy was listening to me. A little craziness was fine, but their continued ignoring of my requests for them to stop began stirring up anger.
I am not proud of what happened next. Without control of the situation, I powered up. In powering up, I didn't just raise my voice, I puffed up my posture so that I towered over them. I was going to show them who was boss. Aren't I mature?
The look that overcame my five year old’s face told me that they both would comply, but I had probably crossed a line. He looked scared and this bothered me. I know that there are varying thoughts with regards to parental discipline, and it is not my intent to weigh in. However, scaring my five year old was absolutely not my intent. My behavior was wrong.
In essence, I had allowed outside circumstances (two crazy little boys) to dictate my behavior (raising my voice, powering up). This was most definitely not the example I wanted to give both my boys. So given this reality, I did what I thought was best to do by apologizing and setting the record straight.
I was fortunate that my five year old still wanted me to put him to bed, so I used that opening to tell him I wanted to talk. I could tell he had no clue what to expect now, so I began by telling him he was not in more trouble. I told him that what he and his brother were doing (ignoring me, not listening, and rough-housing) was not okay. Further, I wanted him, the five year old, to begin setting a better example for the two year old to follow. All this was true, I said, but it was also true that I should not have raised my voice at the two of them. I told him that letting the behavior of others determine your actions is always wrong. In that moment, I chose the wrong action. Therefore, I told him I was sorry and asked for his forgiveness. He smiled and said he forgave me. I hugged him, told him I love him, and told him how thankful I am that I am his dad.
I don't pretend that my five year old will get the lesson that he should not let others dictate his responses. Nor do I think he will never raise his voice at his brother or others. But what if he remembers that apology? What if the next time I ask him to apologize to his brother, he remembers that I apologized to him? This, and not the crazy man yelling, is the example I want to set for him.
Leaders say they're sorry as well. They do this because all human beings blow it every now and again, even dads. It just happens. The mere fact that it happens does not make them bad leaders, it just makes them human. The test is whether or not they own up to it when they do. Leaders say they're sorry to subordinates, followers, and even to five-year olds.
So this leads to a very powerful reflection question: Is there anyone you need to say sorry to?
If so, you know what a leader would do…
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