Are you open to feedback?

Every writer needs a good editor, which is why I chose the best editor I know in my wife, Sarah, for this blog.  Not only was she a 4.0 student in college (total nerd), but she also was a high school English teacher before deciding to focus primarily on raising our kids (I hate the phrase "stay at home" because it implies no work.  This is laughable with three kids five and under!). 

The other night Sarah did something beautiful.  Catching up on the couch, as we often do once the kids are down for the night, she mentioned my latest blog post and asked, "are you open to feedback?"  

Now I know you might be thinking that there is nothing profound about this question, but I think there is.  For starters, any feedback Sarah might provide would be wasted if my answer to her question is "no."  So by asking the question, Sarah was testing the waters with regards to my receptivity of whatever she was about to say. 

Next, the question put me in the position of having to consciously choose whether or not I was open to feedback.  As a morning person, I do not like having meaningful conversations after a certain time of the night.  Once my energy level is depleted, I struggle to muster up the energy required for meaningful conversation until I am rested again. So Sarah's question demonstrates how well she knows me because it gave me the option to opt in or out of what she was about to say.  I could have, for example, told her "not now."  But when I said "yes," we both knew I would be receptive to whatever she was about to say at that given moment.  

As I have mentioned before, not all feedback requires action.  With all respect to my editor, this is also true with feedback from your spouse. In this particular case, however, Sarah offered applicable feedback with regards to my writing style.  She pointed out that I tended to write in a very professional matter and that she often edited in a way to make these posts a little more friendly.  After hearing this feedback, I restated what I heard, and told her that I agreed.  She was right as I tend to write in a serious tone (note to husbands: telling your wife she is right is never a bad thing!).  Because of Sarah's feedback, I now recognize this tendency and am working to change my tone.  

The example above is simple, but important.  Gaining access before providing feedback enhances the odds of the feedback being heard.  Giving access for feedback gives you, the person on the receiving end, the opportunity to get better.  This give-and-take is not only critical in work relationships, but also for the husband and wife relationship.  It is a simple question that can make all the difference.

And by the way, I am hot for my editor

I will see if that makes the cut or not.