One of the lasting memories I have of the 1990s are some of the cool T-shirts available to wear. Hypercolor shirts led the decade off, brand name shirts - like the plain GAP shirt - became icons, and who can forget the black D.A.R.E. T-shirt that you got when you completed the program? None of these, however, were my favorite. I gravitated to the "NO FEAR" T-shirts during my middle school years because I thought their cutesy sayings made me look tough. Here are a few favorites:
"Bottom of the ninth, down by three, bases loaded, full count, two outs, NO FEAR."
"Fear is in the eye of the beholder... Don't let it be you."
"Absolutely, positively, most definitely without a doubt NO FEAR (not even a little bit)"
Or how about
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Ok, the last one was actually from SNL's Stuart Smalley, also from the 90s, but it demonstrates the silliness of pithy made-for-T-shirt sayings. And yet as silly as some of the slogans were, they were worn with pride during those years. Further, many began to embrace the "NO FEAR" mantras as the appropriate response to fear.
Fast forward a couple decades...
I am now a father of two boys (and very soon one girl!) and have begun to realize that I tell my boys not to fear all the time.
Don't fear that water slide son (even though you are four and to you it looks like it is 935 feet high).
Don't fear that thunderstorm (even though you are 2 and the thunder is shaking the house and your crib).
Don't fear the first day of preschool (even though as an adult introvert I get stressed out having to interact with new people).
No Fear for you little boy...but for me?
Is this the proper response to fear (i.e. Just Don't?). I do not believe it is.
One of the most feared activities in America is public speaking. The "NO FEAR" mantra says that one should pump himself up with confidence and not have any fear ("not even a little bit"). But not only isn't this helpful, it also is dangerous because it encourages overconfidence. A much more productive response would be to embrace fear. Really. A quick story:
It was minutes before I was due to speak to approximately 700 people. My heart was pounding as I looked over my presentation one last time. The speaker before me was going on and on about who knows what (I was wrapped up in my mind rehearsing), all I know is it felt like my time was never going to come. Until it did. It was game-time.
This was reality for me prior to speaking at last month's Global Pouch Forum. It is also reality when I am speaking to a small group of students. In fact, it is reality for any public speech I give. Fear is always present and I have learned to embrace it by realizing it is just an indicator that the activity I am engaging in matters. Said differently, fear is a reminder that I could fail. To be fair, I think that's what the "NO FEAR" shirts of the 90s were after - encouraging us not to fear failure. I just think a better response is to look the possibility of failure in the face and say, “so what?"
I could have failed miserably at the Global Pouch Forum. I could have stumbled on my words, or frozen completely. What I did, however, was walk to the stage and give my best. The fear actually did not subside until a few minutes after we (I spoke with two other people) were done. Like always, the experience was awesome for me personally. It looked like torture for the other two guys!
Here is the point...
"NO FEAR" mantras are cool, but a far more effective thought is embracing the fear. It is okay for four year olds to fear water slides and meeting new people—I need to remind my son of that tonight. It is also okay for you and I to fear the next big conversation at work, or the prospect of a new project, or anything unexpected. Let's just say, "hello fear, I see and feel you...let’s keep going" and do the activity (whatever it is) that we need to do.
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