Life Matters

Relationships trump the to-do

 
Next summer thousands of golf fans will make the trek to Hartford, Wisconsin, for the U.S. Open golf tournament.  Hartford, which is 37 miles northwest of Milwaukee, is one of those small towns that you know still exists, but always surprises you when you come upon it. It is small, quaint, and in a nostalgic way, beautiful, as it reminds those of us living in the hustle and bustle of the city that "small-town America" still exists in select corners of our land. 

Given the busyness of life, I was amazed to find myself at Erin Hills last week with two friends in the packaging industry, and my father.  Sadly, I have to admit that these kinds of events rarely happen.  In fact, they happen so infrequently that I don't feel guilty for taking advantage of them when they do! 

What is it about the busyness of our lives that this is becoming more and more the norm?  Am I the only one who wants to just get away every once in a while? Perhaps this problem is just mine to deal with.  I suspect, however, you can relate. 

Somehow, someway, there we were nevertheless.  As our tee-time approached it became evident that Mother Nature was going to delay our start with the gift of morning fog.  As the sun peeked out over the clubhouse, you had to pinch yourself to make sure you were still in Wisconsin and not in Ireland.  It was absolutely majestic.  

Soon we were on the course and our arduous journey had begun.  Paying homage to the game's roots, you can only walk Erin Hills.  This actually involves a little climbing, descending, and about 8.5 miles of hard walking, but all this is absolutely perfect given the fast-pace world we live in.  The walk was therapeutic. 

As we played and walked I had a few moments of reflection.  The two friends I was with are relationships that have been built over the last five years.  They both are a little further down the road than I am—an admission for which I’ll probably owe them each a bottle of wine—but the three of us see the world similarly and share the same values.  I feel like I can have conversations with both of them about business, faith, family, and what really matters in life.  I can be real with them without worrying about any repercussions.  The authenticity and transparency is shared. 

The irony is that the three of us are working on a major project together. While I suspect, and hope, things will go well with this project, its reality had no barring on the golf round.  While someone would tell us that we missed an opportunity to hash out some aspect of the project, I don't think three of us would agree.  After all, I learned that when we face danger and find ourselves in a nasty waste bunker, all three of us can find a way to escape.  Eventually! 

Of course I would be remiss not mentioning how meaningful it was to also have my father there.  I suppose that is a longer post, but suffice it to say for now that seeing his expertise on the golf course never gets old.  It was also fun introducing him to two guys that have become friends and hearing them begin to form relationships with him. 

What this experience taught me is how important it is to invest time in these kinds of moments.  My default is to work.  My default is to do the next thing on the to-do list.  My default is inbox zero.  When I am not careful, I become a slave to all of this. 

And that's why I am sharing this story. 

I hope this story reminds you that as important as your to-do list is, relationships are more so.  

I hope this story reminds me the same. 

The reality did. 

3 Questions

One of the best podcasts I have been listening to lately is Don Miller's Storybrand podcast.  It is can't miss material for business leaders. So when I saw that Don was interviewing PGA Tour professional Ben Crane on a recent episode, I was very excited because I have been known to enjoy a round or two of golf. 

As a PGA tour fan, I also know a thing or two about Ben Crane.  While he may not be a household name like Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson, he has had success on the tour. I was very curious to learn from Ben given how he, a mere mortal, can compete with, and occasionally beat, some of the greats that the casual sports fan are more familiar with.  What habits does he utilize?  What does he do to continually improve? These were the questions I was curious about. 

What I learned from the interview is more than I can share in one post, but an application for all leaders are the three questions Ben asks himself after every round he plays.  These questions, which Ben actually audio records on his iPhone and sends to his "team" (coaches, accountability partner, etc.), are very simple, and yet they profound at the same time. They are: 

1. What did I do well today? 
2. What did I learn? 
3. What am I going to do with what I learned? 

To illustrate how these questions can be applied in a business setting, I am going to rip the band-aid off from a recent public speaking experience I had.  I hope my transparency helps you see how easily these questions apply not only to PGA golfers, but to leaders like you and me. 

Context: Speech I gave to approximately 50 individuals (many potential customers) at an industry learning event.

1. What did I do well today? (This is always the most difficult question for me to ask because it forces me to start positively.)  I was very prepared for the speech.  My speech was clear and free from verbal pauses like "uh." I also utilized pauses well.  It was gutsy.  I was scared to share my heart about Charity Water, fearing the audience may tune out, but I was complimented post-speech for doing so.  This was a win. 
2. What did I learn? I learned that injecting humor in the middle of the content can be risky as it fell flat!  While the content I shared was simplified in comparison to previous talks, it needs to be even simpler going forward.  The TED advice, "what one topic can you cover well in 18 minutes?" is advisable moving forward. 
3. What am I going to do with what I learned?  I am going to simplify the next speech I give so that the audience can follow and comprehend. I am also going to work on the placement of when I use humor having learned that injecting it in the meat of the material may not work for my style. 

Ben’s three questions are powerful because they force an honest reflection on what you just experienced.  Recording your “wins” encourages you to continue to improve, while acknowledging lessons learned helps you define exactly how to do so.  Honest reflection is how we grow and improve.

I am now asking these questions all the time, and so can you.  I am asking them after putting our two year old to bed, giving a speech, and at the end of the work day.  I have found them to be extremely valuable.  

I believe you will, too.  

Investing vs. Spending

I have a saying that I used frequently in the past: "You have to pay the price..."  In order to get healthy, you have to pay the price with exercise. In order to master your craft, you have to pay the price by working hard.  You get the idea.

This phrase is helpful by exposing the reality of the trade-off.  In other words, you do not become an Olympic gymnast and have a normal upbringing at the same time.  Contrary to popular culture, you can't have it all. Life necessitates trade-offs.

Trade-offs lead into an investment mindset, which is something that I have been working on lately.  Investors are always playing the long game. They are after realizing gain over the long-term.  While trade-offs may exist today, they see the bigger picture.  For instance, there is something deep inside us all that hesitates investing our hard-earned dollars in companies whose stock has taken a substantial hit, yet these kinds of strategic bets are what have made Warren Buffet, well, Warren Buffett. 

Our more natural inclination, especially in the west, is to have a spending mentality.  Spenders are about experiencing and acquiring. Rather than investing in a downtrodden company, a spender would look at something with a more immediate gratification.  While this may not be a bad thing--and it should be noted that not every company turns around--it is a different mindset altogether. 

Our investment strategies aside, we all should be playing the long game in our personal lives.  Therefore, adopting an investment mentality has several positive implications.  I'll use a few personal anecdotes to illustrate:

For starters, an investment mindset has helped me see the long term potential of trade-offs at home.  Trade focusing on golf for family time and what will be the long-term implications for my relationship with my three kids?  What about my wife? Notice, like investing in a company, there is no guarantee of success.  For instance, there are many people who have experienced terrible familial relationships and have never touched a golf club.  The reverse is true as well.  The point here is investment.  Where do I want to invest my time and talents? 

Another example occurred over Labor Day Weekend.  I signed up for, and participated in, Michael Hyatt's Free to Focus seminar.  This meant that I invested an hour each day over the weekend to watch that day's featured interview and take notes.  This was a trade-off that I made with the family because the investment would (I believe) pay dividends in the future.  While time will tell, I do not anticipate regretting the investment. 

A final example is something that my wife and I have set as a goal for each our children to have a designated amount invested in their college funds by the end of their first year of life.  This is investing 101 as it gives the money the opportunity to earn compound interest.  It also may be the most difficult of the examples listed because it deals directly with the money we have.  We could easily rationalize using the money elsewhere.  In fact, a vacation sounds pretty darn nice right now.  But that would be a significant trade-off, wouldn't it? 

Life involves trade-offs, so it is best to determine in advance where you want to invest your time and treasure.  Otherwise you may be tempted to spend it on frivolous activities that may not be bad in themselves, but may not lead to the life you want to live.  

"We can make that for you"

Earlier this year a few of our sales people sold me on changing my hotel loyalty from the Hilton brand to Marriott brand. It was sort of like “the decision” with Lebron James taking his talents to South Beach. Well hardly, but hotel loyalty is still a big deal when you spend 30 plus nights on the road each year.

This change has made me more aware of the subtle differences between the two brands. In my opinion, one is more generous with water bottles at check-in (Hilton), one has better Wi-Fi and a better rewards program (Marriott), just to name a few. More important to me than amenities, however, is how each handles billing issues.

While my experience at Marriott is too short to accurately judge, one of the reasons I am at Marriott is because of a discrepancy that occurred with a trip last year to a Hilton hotel in Barcelona where I accidently booked one too many nights on a trip. I was “Diamond” status at the time, which is the highest level at Hilton. This means that I had stayed there 30 different time throughout the prior year. Lucky me. Thus, I anticipated the issue to resolve quickly and be fully refunded given my status. I was soon to be disappointed. The international policy stated that I would have to pay for the rooms because I had failed to notify Hilton more than 24 hours in advance of my stay. I decided to call Hilton with the hopes of making some kind of a deal. I was quickly forwarded on to a customer service agent who suggested that I fill out a form to dispute the charge and ask for a refund. This gave me some hope.

Filling out the form was cumbersome but I persisted nonetheless. When done, I settled in for the 3-4 week wait to learn the judgment. This ended up taking 6-7 weeks in reality. You can suspect where this is going by now. My appeal was refused. I had to pay for the two rooms. I called one last time and was informed “we just can’t do that for you, regardless of your status.”

Fast forward.

Last week I traveled with a co-worker over to London for a meeting with a current customer. We decided to stay at a Marriott that was conveniently located across the Thames from Big Ben. As I mentioned last week, the views were spectacular! On top of the views, we had a good experience eating breakfast at the hotel, so after a long day of meetings we made the decision to eat dinner there as well. This actually goes against my “travel rules” as exploring the local dining scene–assuming there is one–is a fun aspect of business travel. Nevertheless, eating at the hotel was the convenient option in this case. I was soon very glad we opted for convenience.

The menu was sort of limited, so we asked our server whether there was the option to add a side salad to our dinner entree. Our server’s response was servant-leadership gold: “We can make that for you. What do you want on it?”

We did not even know how to respond because the common response in America is that if it is not on the menu, you can’t order it! So out of complete shock, we just asked him to make us whatever the kitchen could spare. This was not good enough for our server, however. He insisted that we asked for what we wanted. So we finally gave in and began listing some vegetables. “How about some avocado?” he asked. Of course! Heck yeah! (Can you tell I get fired up over good salads?) We were having fun.

You might be wondering, “sure, but what did it cost?” So before you ask, I will give you the answer: 7 pounds. This equates to approximately $9.24. I would have paid $25. The salad was that good.

I am not trying to equate the two scenarios above as ordering a salad and resolving a bill is not exactly on the same playing field. I also have a lot of positives to say about the Hilton brand of hotels, so this is not a knock on the brand. It is rather an example of how the smallest gesture of service can make all the difference. Had the customer service representative at Hilton been empowered to “forgive” my mistake, I would never have listened to our sales people when they tried to draw me over to Marriott because the experience of forgiveness would have been front-of-mind. In reality, however, I was open because I had had a negative experience.

Again, it is not that Hilton did anything wrong. I was in the wrong. But they did miss an opportunity to give a loyal customer a "wow" moment.

And that is the point.

The question you and I need to consider is this:

Are you going to be a “we can make that for you” individual?

Or

Are you going to be a “we just can’t make that for you” individual?

The implications are huge for our businesses, families, and personal lives. The temptation is to follow procedure, which in reality is following status quo.

Status quo is enforcing the letter of the law and refusing forgiveness for the loyal customer’s mistake.

Status quo is cooking only what is on the menu.

Making someone’s day is not following status quo and it often requires disregarding the procedure.

Put this way, the choice is rather obvious isn’t it?

Reframing the Mundane

Which of the following scenarios sound better to two boys aged five and two? 

Scenario 1: "It is time to get ready for the bath, guys.  Please get your pajamas and your towel.  We need to stay quiet so that we don't wake up your sister."  

Scenario 2: (In a soft voice) "Okay guys...here is our mission tonight if you are willing to accept it.  The enemy is out there (in the hallway).  You follow me. Stay low and stay quiet, otherwise the enemy will hear us approaching. Get your gear.  We roll out on my command." 

I know you are thinking I am nuts, but I implemented option 2 the other night during our typical bedtime routine.  And it worked to perfection.  Okay, I may have had to explain to my five year old that there really was not an "enemy out there," and I have may have gotten a small rug burn on my elbow, but these are small prices to pay for a little sanity with the bedtime routine.  

This is the classic reframing of an otherwise challenging situation.  Reframing mundane situations for fun is not only a helpful parenting technique, but can also be used in work settings.  

For example, think about the people you interact with at the airport.  From TSA workers to flight attendants, my experience is that most act like they have the worst job in the world.  I have even seen a TSA worker publicly shame a passenger at Newark Airport in the last year.  While I suspect they deal regularly with very unkind and stressed out passengers, a far better approach would be reframing the mundane.  What if their outlook was "I am going to make people laugh today?"  Southwest obviously embraces this, so it can be done. The interesting aspect of this kind of reframe is that the job begins to have meaning.  It is fun to put a smile on someone's face.  Even if you have to get a rug burn in the process. 

The beautiful aspect of reframing the mundane is that it applies to all of us.  A few final considerations for application: 

• What if you used social media to encourage others instead of commenting on current events or promoting yourself? 
• What if you used email to write encouraging notes to team members?
• What if you smiled and said "thank you for your service” to strangers we interact with, like TSA agents and Flight Attendants? (We play a role too!) 
• What if we just smiled to others as we stood waiting? 

If we approach our mundane tasks with a negative attitude we do a disservice to ourselves, our co-workers, and our customers.  But if we reframe those same tasks and make them fun, our enthusiasm will be infectious.

 

Big Ben

I am currently staying at a Marriott property that is literally across the Thames from Big Ben and Parliament in London. The views are stunning.

I do a lot of quick jaunts to Europe, which usually means I am here only 48 hours. In other words, there is no time to adjust sleeping patterns. So complicating this reality on this particular trip is the fact that Big Ben chimes every 15 minutes throughout the night...It is never late and it does not miss.

Ironically, before coming to Europe I was working on a blog post about "reframing the mundane," which I plan to post next week. Like every blog I post, last night gave me the opportunity to practice one of the lessons I am writing about (by the way, if you haven't noticed, I am usually the student in these lessons. I only post them because I love to write, and I hope that sharing them helps you as well).

So the question that I asked myself last night was, "are you really going to complain about Big Ben chiming every 15 minutes? Or are you going to fully embrace this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of falling asleep listening to Big Ben's chimes?

I did the latter.

More on reframing next week.

P.S. The 5 a.m. Chime woke me up. How insanely cool is that?

Crazy

Crazy made its way back into our building last week. With a very large new project launching and many labor-intensive projects in the pipeline, crazy has taken over.

What's crazy?

It is the feeling that everyone is crazy busy...

Overwhelmed...

Stretched too-thin...

And in need of a vacation.

The funny thing about crazy is that it is a far better alternative than its ugly cousin, quiet. Quiet seems enticing at first.

No emails...

No complaining...

No problems...

All in exchange for no new business.

It had me until the end.

So even though it’s a good thing, crazy is still crazy, so here are three areas that I am focusing on to combat everyone's crazy feeling:

Communicating via the spoken word: The crazier things get, the less mental capacity people have to read emails. Some people on our team, our General Manager comes to mind, gets bombarded with hundreds--literally hundreds--of emails each day. It is not realistic to expect his email comprehension to be at 100 percent. Therefore, the crazier things get, the more I need to be speaking daily with him face to face. This actually serves him by allowing him to ask clarifying questions in the moment, as opposed to having to use time to write an email back to me. I need to intentionally find others experiencing "crazy" and do the same.

Encouraging Fun: I need to remind people that they need to have a life outside Hoffer Plastics. As I mentioned a few posts ago, I have come to realize how necessary fun is. Recreation is necessary to "re-create." As a leader, I need to be reminding others--and myself!--of this continually. And it’s even more important to have fun and unplug sometimes when crazy is hanging out with us at the office.

Reminding everyone of the "why": One of the projects we are working on will help solve an assembly issue at one of our customers. That means our effort will help keep their production lines running, which will keep their workers working. The long hours we invest in this project will have a tangible impact in helping improve the lives of the workers at this customer. This, we believe, is a pretty compelling "why." As a leader, I have to connect these dots continually and share them with the team. Working your butt off to make more money for us isn't that motivating. But working your butt off so that you can help a family keep food on the table is.

I suppose some may feel that I am over-exaggerating the impact manufacturing has on human beings in the last point above. Experience teaches that I am not. There are great companies--competitors like HQC come to mind--that are experiencing the same effects. To that end, let's all keep doing what we’re doing! And in the process let's all encourage each other to communicate well and have fun in the process!

Armchair Quarterbacking

Since welcoming our baby girl, Sarah and I have had some fun moments with our two boys. Our five year old has become the resident parenting expert. In fact, just the other day, he gave me a lecture about how to best settle down a baby. "She DOES NOT want her paci," he lectured me after I tried utilizing the pacifier to get her to quiet down. "Thanks...I noticed that wasn't working," I said in return. He then gave me a look that seemed to suggest "we are going to need mom for this one." While he was right, we did need mom, it made me wonder if he even realized that not long ago, his mom used to leave him with me while she spent hours—literally--at Target. Somehow we managed to survive. Both of us. But back then I did not have to deal with a five year old second guessing every decision!

A little boy critiquing his dad's parenting skills can be cute, but the example points to a trait that is not so cute in "armchair quarterbacking." Armchair quarterbacking is an expression for being an "after-the-fact-know-it-all." It is the person who remains silent on an issue until a course of action has been determined, and then criticizes the outcome if it does not succeed. It is the football fan criticizing the quarterback on television after every bad play and voicing what he should have done instead. It is easy to see the open receivers when you aren't the one having to dodge defenders, after all.

Having an opinion about your favorite team's quarterback, and other matters outside of your control, is not that big of a deal. The problem with armchair quarterbacking is when it begins to affect areas of your life that you have some control over, leading to blame shifting and resentment. If we are not careful, it can sneak into work, family, and other areas where we do play a part and have influence.

Think about how this can play out at work. It is easy, after all, to criticize the direction leadership has set. It is even easier to point out your concerns, fears, and "what the team should have done," after the decision has been made and everything is a mess. But this type of behavior is completely detrimental to the team. It is cancerous, and unchecked, will destroy teams altogether.

A far healthier alternative is to create a culture where everyone has a say up-front. Not only is this the job of the leader, it is also fundamental to the art of leadership itself. I am not suggesting that a leader needs to take every opinion into account equally, because I don’t believe every opinion is equally valid. I, for instance, may have an opinion on our resin buying strategy, but my sister, who leads that part of the business, has a much more credible and weightier one, as she has a lot of experience with that topic. But the leader needs to create an environment where every opinion can be heard and taken into account. Using the resin strategy example, once my sister hears my opinion, she has the right to consider or ignore my contribution. Regardless, it is important that I share my thoughts up front and that I am not second guessing the strategy after it is implemented, which can be easily taken as personal criticism and potentially set us at odds. See the difference?

The danger with armchair quarterbacking is that it can persist undetected for a little while. It can also be called different names, most notably "gossip." Inevitably, however, it is apparent that there is an issue because the culture turns negative and relationships fracture. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that the leader works hard to cultivate an environment where opinions can be heard.

Coming full circle, what I have learned in writing this post is that I need to invite my five year old into the family decision-making dynamic. He is a bright dude, so he just might know more than his dad about how to quiet down a newborn after all!

Leaders say they're sorry...

Anyone with young children can relate to the craziness that ensues with bedtime.  Suddenly, your sweet children turn into man-eating zombies ready for the apocalypse, and if you are not careful, so do you.  It is hard to explain to those who don't have children, but just trust me on this. 

So there I was last Monday night after a long day. Our two boys were going absolutely nuts as we prepared for bath time.  The two year old had peed through his diaper, another difficult parenthood reality to explain to those without kids, and our five year old was acting like he just downed a Venti coffee as he did wind-sprints up and down the hallway. Nude.  My job was to bathe them and get them ready for bed.  No problem, so I thought, I have done this before.  I may not be able to outrun a thunderstorm, but I can bathe the you know what out of a child. 

Yeah that was weird.  

You probably know where this is going, but I have to persist in telling the story.  The boys must have colluded together during nap time because in the next twenty minutes they completely owned me.  It was like MJ owning the Cleveland Cavaliers (sorry Cleveland, you got your title two months ago, so just let me relive the glory days).  The worst part about it was that neither boy was listening to me.  A little craziness was fine, but their continued ignoring of my requests for them to stop began stirring up anger. 

I am not proud of what happened next.  Without control of the situation, I powered up.  In powering up, I didn't just raise my voice, I puffed up my posture so that I towered over them. I was going to show them who was boss. Aren't I mature?

The look that overcame my five year old’s face told me that they both would comply, but I had probably crossed a line. He looked scared and this bothered me.  I know that there are varying thoughts with regards to parental discipline, and it is not my intent to weigh in. However, scaring my five year old was absolutely not my intent. My behavior was wrong. 

In essence, I had allowed outside circumstances (two crazy little boys) to dictate my behavior (raising my voice, powering up). This was most definitely not the example I wanted to give both my boys. So given this reality, I did what I thought was best to do by apologizing and setting the record straight. 

I was fortunate that my five year old still wanted me to put him to bed, so I used that opening to tell him I wanted to talk.  I could tell he had no clue what to expect now, so I began by telling him he was not in more trouble. I told him that what he and his brother were doing (ignoring me, not listening, and rough-housing) was not okay. Further, I wanted him, the five year old, to begin setting a better example for the two year old to follow.  All this was true, I said, but it was also true that I should not have raised my voice at the two of them.  I told him that letting the behavior of others determine your actions is always wrong.  In that moment, I chose the wrong action.  Therefore, I told him I was sorry and asked for his forgiveness.  He smiled and said he forgave me.  I hugged him, told him I love him, and told him how thankful I am that I am his dad.

I don't pretend that my five year old will get the lesson that he should not let others dictate his responses.  Nor do I think he will never raise his voice at his brother or others.  But what if he remembers that apology?  What if the next time I ask him to apologize to his brother, he remembers that I apologized to him?  This, and not the crazy man yelling, is the example I want to set for him. 

Leaders say they're sorry as well.  They do this because all human beings blow it every now and again, even dads. It just happens.  The mere fact that it happens does not make them bad leaders, it just makes them human.  The test is whether or not they own up to it when they do.  Leaders say they're sorry to subordinates, followers, and even to five-year olds.  

So this leads to a very powerful reflection question: Is there anyone you need to say sorry to?  

If so, you know what a leader would do…

What if?

What if the litmus test for deciding which path to take was whether or not you were choosing the more risky one? 

What if you chose the less paying career, but the one you were more passionate about?

What if you chose to send your kids to the less-prestigious, but more diverse, school? 

What if you invested your vacation in flying to a third world country to serve the poor? 

What if you launched the new product before the first customer signed on? 

What if you wrote a hand-written note to someone you admired? 

What if you turned the T.V. off and picked the book up?

What if you told your story, even the parts you wish did not exist? 

What if the largest check you wrote this year was the one you gave to the poor? 

What if you changed your diet? 

What if you chose to say something positive about the person you do not like? 

What if you flew half-way across the world for just one two hour meeting?

What if you simply said, "I love you?" 

What if you lived your life in a way that allowed you to never ask what if?